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3R Thursday is a newsletter published every Thursday that contains ruminations, reflections, and readings to encourage Christians in the pursuit of Truth, Goodness, and Beauty.

Accessible Theology under the guise of Christian Philosophy.

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3R THURSDAY: Illuminating Sunsets, Biblical Sunrises, and other ways to Shorten the Cold Nights in Marriage

In "That Hideous Strength" by C.S. Lewis, the two main protagonists, Mark and his wife, Jane, have been separated from each other while fighting a different battle against the same enemy. Throughout the novel, Jane has been struggling with respecting her husband and graciously submitting to his headship. Mark has been struggling with loving his wife and cherishing her; he’s been too focused on selfish ambition and the pursuant of worldly approval (and particular approval of evil men).

As the characters are about to be reunited, each comes to love the other in the way that God intended: sacrificially. Here, Mark reflects on when he first met Jane.

I love the picture of marriage as a beautiful sunset.

[Ad libitum on the podcast: running through the trees to catch the last glimpse of the sun over the Grand Canyon]

But the metaphor of a sunset is not an entirely accurate representation of marriage, is it? It would be great if that much Beauty could endure forever, but inevitably the sun sets; it becomes dark; sometimes it can even be cold. Why is that?

In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis calls us “amphibians” because we are dual-natured: we occupy two worlds; we are bound by the flesh and the spirit. We go up and down through “a series of troughs and peaks.” (The Screwtape Letters, Letter VIII).

This same undulation can be seen in marriage as well. We have our good moments (the beautiful sunset) and we have our bad fights (the darkness that follows). We reconcile (the sunrise) and the warmth of the noon-day sun is felt throughout our home and everywhere we go. Inevitably, the sun sets again and darkness follows. Up and down. Back and forth. What C. S. Lewis calls, the Law of Undulation.

Is it possible, then, to just have the sunset with our marriages? Or in other words, can we buy the sunset by buying the field from which we have seen it? Not quite. This isn’t the same as the treasure hidden in a field. (See Matthew 13:44.)

We know our marriages will follow the cyclical nature of the sun; there will be plenty of beautiful sunsets and sunrises; and there will also be plenty of times of darkness and seasons of winter. We also know that we long to return to the sunset, no matter how mad we are at our spouse for doing X, Y, or Z or how vindicated we want to feel as a result. We long for the sun to shine again. The sun also longs to rise again. The write of Ecclesiastes says:

Moreover, Paul tells the Ephesians that marriage is a “profound mystery” because it reflects the same profundity of God’s love for us. Paul commands husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25, ESV). This love is not domineering nor is it selfish, childish, or impotent. Rather this love is sacrificial and joyful. Mark had to learn this—or perhaps discover this—throughout the course of the novel. While he was busy advancing his career and Notoriety, Jane was becoming a shell of a woman—adamantly refusing to follow Mark’s lead and doing everything so could to be her own person, full of dreams (some quite terrible) and aspirations; and yet the more she separated herself from Mark, the more miserable she became.

Husbands, we’re called to joyfully sacrifice our:

pride

ambition

ego

lust

avarice

fear

all for the sake of loving our wives like Christ loves the Church. Doug Wilson defines masculinity as “the glad assumption of the sacrificial responsibilities that God assigned to men.” After all:

But inevitably, what happens? The Law of Undulation shows back up. We become incrementally separated from God, our wives, our children, our church, our work. We look for a way out and see all of life’s possibilities unfold like a figless fig tree. And there we are again, worshipping at the Altar of the Unknown Future.

But God remains steadfast; his love endures through the days and the seasons.

Psalm is full of this imagery. In Chapter 50, the Psalmist says:

And later on in Chapter 113:

So, yes, our marriages will go through cycles. It will feel like the sun has set, never to rise again. But we are to tend to our fields; to cultivate, curate, and protect our garden; to gladly assume the sacrificial responsibilities that God assigned to us as men.

God’s love remains steadfast. He is our strength, our song, “our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1, ESV). It is not our strength that enables us to rise up, but God’s strength through us. The Prophet Malachi echoes this truth about the Lord Almighty:

Suffice it to say, if we find ourselves in the nighttime cycle of our marriages, the only hope we have of daylight is turning back to God. He is our “everlasting light” and He is mighty to save. 

Praise God that He is the Light that illuminates the Beauty of Marriage. I pray that the sunsets would be long and the nights short within our marriages.

Thank you for reading. If this encouraged you, please forward this email to someone else who needs encouragement as well.

See you next Thursday,
CFW

Resource

Husbands, here is a link to 5 questions that you can ask your wives each week to fortify your marriage (full credit: Marriage Ministry at South Side Baptist Church (Abilene, TX)). Take charge here. Lead out. Take dominion. Rise and build. We have ours hanging in our bedroom. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect at it, but it does remind me to continually love my wife as Christ loves the Church.

Bonus points: know your wife’s favorite type of flower.

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